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What Not to Write: A Perfect Specimen

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I've posted before about online dating don'ts for men. I do it mostly in good fun, as I make no claim to be perfect or have a perfect profile. Everyone makes errors in judgment occasionally. Some are more egregious than others. Posting pictures that involve a lineup of people when I don't know who you are? Merits an eye roll, nothing more. Averaging 3 spelling mistakes per sentence? Deep, profound sigh.

But occasionally, a profile is so wrong, so off the mark, and so blazingly unaware that my first reaction is to burst out laughing. And then use it as the ultimate example of what not to write.

OkCupid Specimen: What Not to Write 
I would like you to use just one comma. Is that so much to ask for?

Apparently, yes.

Oh lordy, where to begin? Oh right, commas. And apostrophes. Where to continue?

Let's go with insulting the reader. The reader, presumably, is a woman on OkCupid. According to you, this means she is one of several things: drunk, crazy, a whore, a little girl, …