I'm tired today. Tired of being strong, tired of taking care of myself, tired of being smart and independent and lonely. I'm tired of keeping it in and being quiet when I'd rather scream. I don't want to be by myself and I don't want to go on any more stupid, boring dates where I'd rather be home with the cat.
And I'm angry. Angry at the happy couples holding hands and angry at the people who jump from one relationship to the next when I've been single for 7 fucking years. Angry at myself at messing up the what-could-have-beens and angry that everyone seems to have what I don't. What I seem to be incapable of getting. Surely I can't be the only one who can't find and/or sustain love? I'm pretty. I'm smart. I'm funny. And I'm picky.
I want things. I want a partner. I want children. Do I NEED them? Well, that depends on your definition of need. Do I need them to validate myself as a person? No. But I need them in the sense that I need companionship. I want someone who understands me as well as I understand myself. I want someone who sees me for who I am and loves me not in spite of it, but because of it. Someone who I respect and who respects me.
Also someone who I want to get freaky with. Sorry, Mom.
Don't get me wrong, friends and family. I love you and I need you in my life. But it's not the same. You know it and I know it.
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Not Freddie Mercury. He's dead. And gay.